Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
