I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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