i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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