My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
