i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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