A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize