I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
