So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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