Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
