I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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