wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
