Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
