If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize