Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
