so that wasnt chicken after all
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
