You're my little dorito
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
