i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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