my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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