My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
