Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
