You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
