I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
