I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize