I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
