I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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