you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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