Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
