I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
