I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
