Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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