he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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