I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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