So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
