it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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