hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm both gender and math confused
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
