It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
