Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
