the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
