nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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