need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
