You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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