Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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