no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
