I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
