I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
