i already hear my dad disowning me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm like, not good at living.
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