I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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