Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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