The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
