I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
