He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
