i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
