If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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