Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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