im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i drank out of a bidet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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