i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
