If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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