It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
