Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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