you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
