I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
