i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just blew my weed a kiss
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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