It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
