The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want a musical about memes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
