My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
