how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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