Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
