I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
