if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
