I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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