It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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