he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just invented taco cereal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
