how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
