I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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