this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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