We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drunk is not a location!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
