can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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