Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
