I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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