I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
