do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
