Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
