You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
