You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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