i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
