If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
