yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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