I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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