you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
