He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
