Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
