meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your penis caused this!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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