I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize