I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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