I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize