remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
