Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
