So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
