walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We had to coat check the pizza.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
