You're so nebulous sometimes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is Oprah even human
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
