she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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