All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
