We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i drank out of a bidet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
