I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
