I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize