awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
