soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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