you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
